I felt I was doing much better in my recovery (and I am feeling better) – which is probably why I have neglected my blog for so long.
Ironically, not blogging means that I haven’t had a healthy emotional outlet.
I have said some things that I shouldn’t have said and I have done things I can’t take back.
Last week I ended up losing my shit at work – multiple times. My feelings behind the outbursts where legit – but if I wasn’t hormonal, ADHD as fuck and in full control of my impulses then I wouldn’t have had any of the confrontations that have left the receiver shocked and “needing to digest” what I said to them.
The upshot of all this is that I will probably find myself demoted from my management position as of April 2020.
What else…I’m still single, still going on dates.
I do have something to look forward to this weekend as I have a date with guy who seems really cool.
I know I’m always really optimistic in the beginning but we do have an insane amount of things in common. He is a games developer…errr, I don’t want to say too much at this stage but what I will say is there’s been a lot of spooky coincidences.
Already he’s had me in tears because I’m a bit of a state at the moment. The scenario was, we were talking about holidays and he asked me what I thought about going on Safari in Africa to elephants! That would be my dream come true!
I apologised for being emotional and told him I was hormonal. I’m surprised I didn’t scare him off…
I haven’t told him anything about the past abuse, PTSD, my ADHD, Autism. I don’t want to put him off meeting me.
Still living with a lot of shame and self down but I am feeling hopeful.
If you are reading this please wish me luck! I really really deserve a break from the universe for a change.