I didn’t go to Paris

I have complex feelings about this T-shirt. First of all – I love this T-shirt because it is a gift from one of my dearest friends.

Around January this year my friend wanted me to go to Paris with him (and I should have went) but I just couldn’t do it.

At the time it felt impossible for me to break away from the situation I was in. I was in an abusive relationship with a very disturbed man. I was emotionally and psychologically trapped and I could see no way out.

It’s worth saying that my lovely friend is actually an ex-boyfriend from back in the day when we were kids. We were about 16-17 years old at the time.

He was my first love.

He knew I was in an abusive relationship because he is the person I called, each time I was in tears, falling apart and on the verge of a break down.

Inviting me to Paris was one of the many ways he tried to rescue me. I didn’t run away to Paris with him but I can sincerely say that in so many ways, he totally did rescue me.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about all the things he has done for me – because it’s private – but what I will say is that he really showed up for me.

For all the harm that was done to me, he was the one who went out of his way to help me heal from it all.

He helped me pick up the pieces, cared for me and made me feel special. One result from all the things he did, was that he helped me recognise that I didn’t deserve any of what happened to me.

I have complex feelings about the T-shirt because it reminds me of a painful time in my life but also it’s symbolic of my friends heroism.

The T-shirt reminds me of how trapped I was. It reminds me that I had a chance to escape the abusive relationship but I was too weak at the time.

The T-shirt reminds me of friendship and kindness. It reminds me that my dear friend was there for me when I really needed it.

The T-shirt reminds me of my first love. It reminds me of a time before heartbreak, before I was damaged and broken.

The T-shirt reminds me of my own self-worth. It reminds me that I might be broken but I am still lovable.

The T-shirt reminds me to be aware of dangerous people but to have faith that there are good people too.

The T-shirt reminds me not to be afraid because one of the good ones is my guardian angel.

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