Paranoid that I am pregnant

I took a pregnancy test this morning and thankfully, the result was negative. Last night before bed I noticed that my tummy was really bloated and rock solid. I started worrying I was pregnant and ended up having horrible nightmares that his baby was growing inside me and I was trapped and alone, unable to decide what to do.

The problem I am having is that my period is late and the last two have have been abnormally light, like nearly non-existent. I am really bloated, tired, tearful and constantly craving sweet things. I do not have much of a sweet tooth and this is not how I normally experience PMS.

I know that I am paranoid and that I’m not in my right might at the moment.

I know that my paranoia is completely irrational because I am on the pill. Ironically, he is the reason I am on the pill. He pressured me to start taking it. I explained to him that the pill doesn’t agree with me and I really didn’t like messing with my hormones, but he was having none of it.

Apparently, orgasms hurt when wearing a condom so I gave in.

It has been just over two months since the police removed him from my house so I am wondering if the stress and PTSD is not only affecting my reasoning but also my menstrual cycle? I don’t think it is the pill because I started taking it in December. I don’t know…I mean, I don’t want to stop the pill now and mess up my hormones again.

I need to sort out my anxiety.

I am catastrophising and hyper vigilant at the moment which explains the nightmares and poor quality of sleep.

I need to sleep more.

I just really need my body (and brain) to start behaving itself.

I am taking my brother and sister-in-law on holiday and I am trying really hard to make it special and for everyone to have a nice time. I know I am putting pressure on myself but this is something that needs to happen because my last holiday with him was traumatic.

I need to get better and I need to make new holiday memories, happy memories.

4 thoughts on “Paranoid that I am pregnant

  1. IUDs are the most ADHD friendly birth control. You can never forget, low or no hormones and you pay once and have for ten years. Admittedly, they don’t protect against STDs, but if and when you feel up for a relationship someday (it is possible with ADHD and PTSD, though take all the time you need and be choosy when you are ready.) I’ve always had a chaotic period. It’s either a Biblical flood or nothing. Stress can definitely make it late, but so can other diagnoses like endo or PCOS. PTSD can tend to make gynos, umm, not fun. But, since it seems like you were with “him” relatively recently and not using condoms, I don’t want to scare you unnecessarily, but make sure you are tested for STDs if you haven’t been already. I’ve been cheated on by an ex. Fortunately, he didn’t give me anything, but it did teach me that my regular doctor can do them, but also that if they seem like the type to ask nosy or triggering questions, Planned Parenthood and other neighborhood clinics can be great about not asking judgy questions and respecting triggers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried the copper IUD and it didn’t agree with me, sadly I was in chronic pain every day so I removed it after a couple of months. I’ll take your advice on board, thanks ❤️

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      1. I am not too bad with remembering to take my pills – because I have to take my ADHD meds, so I take them both together. Yes we are all different and complex but its nice to talk openly about these things 🙂

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