Are you out there somewhere? Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
It’s comforting to believe that’s there is such a thing. I’d rather believe he is still out there somewhere but we haven’t found each other yet.
I don’t fancy many people on this planet.
Sometimes I think I’m a little bit Asexual but not completely.
I say “a little” Asexual because I do experience desire. It’s rare but when I do experience it fully, I’m 100% sure that I like them.
Then I will fall for them, hard and fast. That’s when I’m passionate and intense in a relationship.
Its feels so out of reach at the moment and I crave it so much.
This stuff is very confusing to me and I find myself analysing about it this stuff about it a lot.
I think I need the intensity because otherwise I’m mostly numb inside.
I read this back and it feels like a drunk post or something, but I haven’t touched a drink in over a week.
Today I downloaded Tinder again and had a look at my old profile. It was so mundane and factual.
I deleted the description and instead I tried to write something raw and meaningful:
“Song lyrics matter.
Not the colour of your skin.
Religion is a waste of time.
Party politics are a distraction.
Looking for a connection, something real.
I want to be vulnerable with you.
I want you to want me.
We are all insecure humans trying to survive.
Let’s lose ourselves.
It’s love or death.”
Guys on Tinder will probably read it and think I’m fucking insane. I’m at a stage in my life now where I’m starting to care less.
I’m still in pain. I’m still lonely.
But the good news is, I’m feeling stronger and starting to believe like I deserve to be loved and cared for.
I’m still sad but I’m starting to believe in myself again.